Tuesday, December 7, 2010

fucked yet understood.

It's been a while sense I felt like writing...  Dull drums and sad sack why me's need not be shared... But they have been a huge part of the past few weeks. Been blaming the Christmas blues or as they say any time it snows, Seasonal depression syndrome AKA-SAD no shit no sun, bitter cold, and daily shrinkage make  us sad. Who knew?
   Went and did my acceptance new normal be honest end of me counseling... so much fun. Jill got me to talk about my snarkey sarcastic attitude  maybe  ease up on DR. Butch, head of pulmonary and world class douche bag ... In the middle of agreeing with her the truth came out... FUCK him... I went into a  tirade said some shit I had no idea I felt and well to vent must be good but when I left I felt emotionally drained... code for  fucked.
  Truth is I am dieing, they can't or won't help...maybe? My only option is to make the best of the good and curse  the bad. I mean there is still hope Dr. Bennett wants to ... Dr.Owens wants to... Jill wishes she could...I have a grand health care team, cept for  Butch,I am blessed with two hawk-eye type retired colonels,  big doc in a little coat, and strangely enough a councilor who doesn't clock watch and will let me stay till i have had enough and am back to normal levels of crazy. Jill actually ordered me to get the burger and beer special weekly at Hooters. You know your fucked when Hooters and beer are prescribed, fucked yet understood.