What to write, where to go with this. Should I go sarcastic or sad emo bitch, maybe tough guy who fears nothing? I've been all these things and they all where lies. Should I chat about pain and suffering? The dos and don't of a terminal disease? I haven't done much right but dear Jesus do I have the wrong ways down pat. Seems like the last thing tried , the very last thing attempted - the simple and easy thing I try last ...Is the only thing that works.
Prime example,I waited seven years to tell anyone about it. Waited till I was crazy with pain and fear.... Truth is I waited till I was having surgery okay, it was the third surgery then I begrudgingly told anyone. I was toxic and weak. thinking the whole time that it was the strong thing the man thing to do. Now, with the cat is outta the bag... everything is easier... they still think I'm nuts just not nutty nuts instead it's, "Damn George, this shit would get Gandhi slap a girl scout."
I never thought about how selfish it was to let my friends and family worry about me. Not knowing what was what. My strong way was so the wrong way. Believing that I had suffered in silence and to find out my silence was deafening. No matter how far i pushed or fell outta grace with my actions some stayed. They are still here and they are not going anywhere. As for the ones my actions forced outta my life now have time to make some amends and attempt to make it right.