sushi sounds nice

     Ever have your heart stop? Ever have a seizure that knocks your dick into the dirt  throwing everything into chaos? Cough blood and go just a bit blind? No? I call that Tuesday.
     Guess it was a good thing I had company... I guess...  he  caught me for the second seizure   could have been hurt worse but that rat bastard woke up my momma and she made me go to the ER.  About half way there all I wanted to do was talk to my poppa, my brother, my friends, and my sainted Godfather. For a brief moment I thought this is it... get ready for the tunnel and  go into the light… Get the fuck out'a dodge and go home. It passed , fast! But to be honest  I was good with it.... Just wanted a bit of closure . Now, that it's mostly past I feel a bit dramatic and silly but then in that moment it was all I wanted. Nurses where awesome and doctors nice but truth is theres not a lot they can do. Give some plasma and a IV. Something special for the pain maybe laugh at my jokes and put up with my crap. Thats more then enough but still  I wasted their time and a bed. There isn't a damn thing they can do... I know this~ trust me, they've tried. This is a  rare disease that is affecting everything. I'm still not right... head still pounds my wit and sarcasm sound like desperate anger. There is good reason mind you but still... hate being a bitch.
   So, there I am stuck in these God awful red PJ's with bright yellow non slip socks hooked up to a plethora of machines and all I'm thinking is God I want to go home get some sleep. Wondering if my 20 something nurse wants to grab a bite. Right, a little while ago I'm thinking it's the big one and now I'm all about  putting on my get some clothes for steaks and scotch. Massive improvement from the stripper glitter and scotch that occasionally crosses my mind. Maybe some sushi she'd like sushi .
    Been a few days now issues and pain and all that shit that goes with these episodes is lessening.  Not  quite  over it all.  I have little tricks... things that make me smile and get over shit. Last night it was," Fast Times at Ridgemont High." If Phoebe Cates can't get me on track there was Jennifer Jason Leigh.  This helps. Brings me back to a simpler time when my problems where acne, low self esteem, and acne. The glory days of homework and  getting beers for Friday nights lights. I did get to talk to my people, tell them I love them . I get to do that every day. Somedays I don't ,somedays I just want to sit in my pity and bitch about what tomorrow won't bring... the adventures I can't have. But then there are times after shit hits the fan... when a movie and a phone call are epic adventures. Today, Johny Football may shock a nation~ for the second time. Tomorrow, who knows, maybe something big ,maybe not, maybe just some sushi... that would be nice.