I've been thinking about writing that, "Last Best Blog" but being half Sicilian it's quite a chore to be cavalier when death is on the line. Don't worry I thrive on gallows humor. Something magical about getting someone to laugh at my illness the looks on their face when they realize they are laughing at a truth. Then when they try to stop but the more they~ try the harder it is. That so gets me off... thats how I'd like to write it... sarcasm a bit of whining mixed with laughter, coy and charming... maybe even a bit poetic even whimsical. Let it be a bit of devil may care, don't cry for me Argentina, I had one hell of a hay ride. Been places hell I've even done some things.
I think about it a lot lately... The end. No, not going any time too soon I got shit to do Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday. Not to mention a debutante ~ a muse with the classical combination of daddy issues and a Florence Nightingale thing. Just shit is getting more every day lately. My Autonomic nervous system fails, heart stops, brain stops, lungs stop, all the things the body does on cruise control STOPS. Happened four times this week. They all happened with medical staff on hand. The last one my doctor was listening to my breathing... got his stethoscope to my back when my heart stops. As he asks me how I'm doing... how I feel ,… crash, boom, baha~ cracker down. So, more tests next week... they cant stop this cancer but maybe they can keep me from falling down... It's getting old and it hurts. Leaves my muscles sore, balance off, sleep deprived and my damn brain wont ...doesn't work right.
Ever hear of a gratitude list? It's this tool to get a person to realize how petty and selfish and self serving they are... It's a way to get past the crap moment. To see the amazing beauty of life that is in every moment... even in the eye of a shit storm. See, they will pass, if you let them. They will be gone, they will be over, and they will make room for hope, for a chance , for a bit of peace and some quite between the ears. I remember things in a wicked honest way the good and the bad. My life has been an adventure of teachable moments and finally I have learned from a few of them. Either the universe is perfect or we are screwed... I vote perfect... perfect chaos.
I think about it a lot lately... The end. No, not going any time too soon I got shit to do Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday. Not to mention a debutante ~ a muse with the classical combination of daddy issues and a Florence Nightingale thing. Just shit is getting more every day lately. My Autonomic nervous system fails, heart stops, brain stops, lungs stop, all the things the body does on cruise control STOPS. Happened four times this week. They all happened with medical staff on hand. The last one my doctor was listening to my breathing... got his stethoscope to my back when my heart stops. As he asks me how I'm doing... how I feel ,… crash, boom, baha~ cracker down. So, more tests next week... they cant stop this cancer but maybe they can keep me from falling down... It's getting old and it hurts. Leaves my muscles sore, balance off, sleep deprived and my damn brain wont ...doesn't work right.
Ever hear of a gratitude list? It's this tool to get a person to realize how petty and selfish and self serving they are... It's a way to get past the crap moment. To see the amazing beauty of life that is in every moment... even in the eye of a shit storm. See, they will pass, if you let them. They will be gone, they will be over, and they will make room for hope, for a chance , for a bit of peace and some quite between the ears. I remember things in a wicked honest way the good and the bad. My life has been an adventure of teachable moments and finally I have learned from a few of them. Either the universe is perfect or we are screwed... I vote perfect... perfect chaos.
Thank you George! Speaking of gratitude lists, here's mine from this morning:
ReplyDeleteGood morning. I am grateful to be alive, awake, aware, attentive, available, accepting in this incarnation right here, right Now, present, patient, peaceful, at this point of my karmic cycle and spiritual development. I am grateful for my life as it is, with vast room for growth, transformation and healing, that I have a practice that leads to practice, that the obstacle is the path. Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. Fall down seven times, get up eight. That there is no "right" and "wrong" nor "good" and "bad." There are only lessons. That all events are simply movements in a dance. There is an infinite and inexhaustible Source of Love available to Us, if we make ourselves available to it. Just for today I will surrender my illusion of control, surrender my fear, anger worry, self-pity. I will surrender trying to figure "it" out, whatever "it" may be. Just for today, I breathe a little deeper, pause a little longer, judge less, fear less, complain less, and Love more. I will do less and accomplish more. I will possess less and give more. Just for today, I will expand my faith and trust, my Loving acceptance and compassionate awareness a little wider. Just for today, I will talk less and listen more. I will become quiet enough to hear the truth whispering in my heart. Just for today, I will live with all that is "unresolved" and trust the unfolding of the Universe. I will have the courage to live authentically and unapologetically. Just for today I will be kind, gentle and Loving with myself and others. I will look for God in me so I can see God in you. I am grateful for patience, according myself with the Way things are, trusting the Unfolding... seeing beauty in myself, I see beauty everywhere. True Beauty is within and will never fade. Harmony and balance are the true laws of the Universe, entropy is merely one of their tools... When I'm balanced within, I see balance everywhere. I am grateful for the journey within, the path passed the obstacles of self: selfish-self-centered fear, self pity, greed, anger, worry, anxiety, shame, guilt and remorse, jealousy, envy... Arriving at Self, peace, harmony, joy, freedom, Love, kindness, kindness, kindness, compassion, selfless Loving service, acceptance, faith... Living from intuition, inspiration, intrigue, insight... Enlightening up, awakening to the dream, seeing through the veils, removing the masks, understanding what's truly important, remembering to laugh and be playful, to smile and lend a Loving helping, hand, the healing power of listening, seeing with Loving eyes, listening with Loving ears, responding from a Loving heart. I am so grateful for you! You make my heart smile! I am grateful for you being you precisely as you are, me being me precisely as I am, Us being Us precisely as we are. One Love. One Heart. One Mind. Thank you. I Love you!
Love. Laughter. Levity. Light.
these words... not mine oh dear God how I wish i was that smart, eloquent, savvy... but truer words rarely written
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed your musings today George, and Leon Boroditsky's beautiful words!!
ReplyDeleteWish we could engrave them in our minds & in our souls. Thank you both for the insightful and inspirational words. Endless blessings to you
i miss you george.
ReplyDeleteI miss you too... don't forget sushi anytime your in the south... my treat...
Delete<3 you!
ReplyDeleteand a peck...
DeleteA gratitude list always helps me. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteSweet, true words. Dampened my eyes for real, gave me pause, made me think. As a Christian, I've come to believe that beauty, kindness, love and the ability to be grateful for them is the perfectly wrapped package in pretty paper tied with a fancy bow. Open the present by living the Life and be amazed, absolutely eternally amazed, by the contents. How wonderfully you are open to amazement!
ReplyDelete